Musing

I recently (finally) developed my last role of film from Kaz. What a change since then! I feel like the time captured in the photos is from a different life. The life I have now is full of toddlers and work and new questions about my life. What I see in the photos is a baby and some people I feel very little connection to now. Not bad, just different. She is just herself. Not the baby who i first met and not anyone else's child.

Time change

E is an early riser, so the prospect of setting the clocks back is not one I'm looking forward to. But we'll adjust, over time. I keep reminding myself that for each behavior I don't like, something else will arise, in time. Of course, that means that the ones I do like will probably pass too, but overall I love seeing the new things that come into being. What will be next?

Fresh Start

I've managed some new things recently. Coming out of the total fog of new parenting (of two, no less), I'm making changes in my life, big and small. I like the way this feels, and I think that using this space might give me a chance to be more conscious about it.

I'd like to:

• Knit more, and finish more of what I start. Specifically, I'd like to finish my sister's birthday present, and think about to do with the really nice yarn in my stash.
• Make exercise a regular part of my life. Right now, I walk up the stairs to my office every day (12-15 flights, depending on whether I start from the garage level or the lobby, if I get a ride into work). And I take my kids to a "mommy and me" dance class for 30 minutes on Saturdays. We gallop right and left, jump, stretch a little. Nothing too notable, but I'm moving.
• Improve my diet. This is a little tough since I cook dinner maybe once every couple of months. No kidding, I have a great gig and I would not think to complain about the food, which is delicious. But what I could work on, usefully and possibly is both what I eat for lunch, and the snacks/desserts I eat. Right now I am contemplating a banana with full knowledge that there is ice cream in the freezer. It is very, very hard for me to choose fruit when there is ice cream in the house. It seems to compel me. But I know perfectly well that I control it, that I don't have to eat it, but here I am thinking about it and finding my stomach growling.
• Write more notes. Personal notes, emails, just communicate more/better/ more frequently.

A start. I'll report back. 2/6/2007

Father's Day

Reading a post at et al. reminded me how much I dislike father's day. She writes about going to a father's day event at her daughter's school. Wow. I cannot imagine my mother showing up at some 'father-daughter' event and participating with me. It isn't that she didn't care, I just think it would never have occurred to her. V's teacher had both mother's day and father's day lunches for the class, and I know she was not the only child who didn't have a parent at father's day (in fact, for mother's day she had an "extended family" parent) but it made me feel bad that she doesn't have a dad. Fortunately, she's surrounded by kids who don't have and never did have a dad, but it makes me sad anyway. I still miss my dad, and it has been 40 years since he died. 40 years. I realized that one day in April, and had to check to make sure I had the date right, but in fact it has been 40 years and it still makes me sad.